i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
