Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
