I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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