Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
