Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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