i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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