Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
