forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
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So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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