You're my little dorito
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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