She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
