she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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