I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
third nipple confirmed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
