i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
