My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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