he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
