I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
