If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
