You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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