just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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