My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
