This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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