How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
