can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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