Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
