that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
