I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
