My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
