Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
