Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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