Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
