Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
