when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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