Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
