paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
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You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.