I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid