capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.