It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.