It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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