so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
