How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
