my vag is so smooth its legendary
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
