Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
