he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
