omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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