There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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