There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just threw up on my dentist
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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