Pants 0. Shit 1.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
