You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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