I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
