Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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