Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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