who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am mentally ready for anal.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
