Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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