im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
