Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
