matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
