Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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