i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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