the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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