Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
