Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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