he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
