i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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