I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
