I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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