i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
