mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
