would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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