after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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