i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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