I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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