I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dicks are not precious.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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