his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
