Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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