I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
