youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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