there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
