Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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