We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
