Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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