I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
