I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
