just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
