i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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