I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
