She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
