before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
