Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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